did you kiss him?

Did you kiss him?
Yuck! NO!
That's Good!
Why do you care?
I don't. It's just! Well I always thought we would have all our firsts together.
That's funny!
Why is that funny?
It's just! Well I always thought we would have our lasts.
oh.

The decision to die

I understand that hospice care is given to patients that are out of medical choices for healing, or have decided that continued surgeries or prolonged life support are not options they wish to pursue. That it is in fact a decision to die. And I have a lot of respect for care givers working in hospice care. It has to be an emotional strain to even consider getting up to go to work. But there is a critical issue with the philosophy of hospice care.

In our recent experience I found that once entered into the hospice system ailments are no longer taken seriously and in a timely manner. And in our case it was life ending, and yet not in direct relation to the cancer that lead to hospice as an option. The process of dying is ugly. It shouldn't be complicated by additional factors not cared for because, well the patient IS dying.

Because a patient has opted for hospice care shouldn't mean that they are without life prolonging health options. It shouldn't mean that care givers concerns weigh less. It shouldn't mean that measure are no longer taken to maintain quality of life. When you are watching a loved one face their death, the days they have left are important to them. They should be given as much time as possible in as good health as possible.

I honestly believe that had blood tests been taken, had concerns been addressed in a timely manner, that my father would not have died so quickly, or so horribly. The advice the doctors give you is to be the patient's advocate. Yet even when you are shouting the loudest in the hospice system there is no answer, no rush to get you answers, no regard for your concern because your cause is dying. The point is to die, not to live.

So from complications due to incorrect feeding mixture I lost precious time with me father. And being in hospice doesn't mean you are bed ridden. In our case my father was still full of life. And his symptoms of dehydration were obvious. The response was just too slow.

The contradictions are costly. Costly to the soul. Yes you have decided to die, or the disease has decided for you. But you should still have the option to live when there is an option. And you should be your own advocate, but then you should be listened to as well. It seems currently the health care system simply uses the "be your own advocate" line as a way to shrug off responsibility.

So when you make that final decision to go home and live out what days you have left. Just know that in the eyes of the hospice system you have decided to die. There will be no quick action to help you fight a non-related illness. You have signed off on death.

San Francisco Winter

One thing about the drought last year - there were no ants. I am experiencing a typical San Francisco winter - ants. We really only have two seasons here - ants, fog, and then the rest of the year is pretty much the same, windy with sun.

As the rain comes and the reservoirs fill, so do the ants. Scouts run across every surface of my house. We are engaged in a perpetual contest to see if they can find a food source before I find them. Today they succeeded in swarming the butter dish. It was the first time this season that I saw them in a gang. And it was a vicious gang, one with no remorse. Two hours later the Taoist in me condemned to bad karma I had a sink full of carcasses and a house badly in need of airing out.

I was told that they do not like cinnamon. This is true, in that they do not eat cinnamon. However it does not seem to deter them accessing that which is more to their liking. And I have discovered that Orlando finds that cinnamon is quite nice. Refreshing change in breath but not in ant free zones. Tonight I try the next two non-toxic solutions baby powder and diatomaceous earth {also a great solution for fleas}. Diatomaceous Earth kills by physical action and not by chemical so there is supposedly no harm to pets or humans. The tiny hard and sharp diatoms scratch off the insects waxy coating, causing it to dehydrate. It sounds brutal, and my conscious has wavered considering the horrific exposure I have had recently to dehydration, but they are really everywhere.

Although always a fan of a thunderstorm I am very much looking forward to the cold harsh fog of summer.

Crissy Field San Francisco

It has rained for days now. Thunder-stormed even, and that is rare for San Francisco. A rumble of thunder and a show of lightening and the dog tucks himself under the covers and hibernates. With our skylight in the bedroom he has a heads up as to whether it is worth waking up early for the morning walk. Today was one of those days that he needed to be prodded and pushed to get out of bed and down the street.

Like most San Francisco days around 1 PM the sky began to break. The rain wasn't sure that it was going to let go but there was a sign that it may be a lovely evening. So like any good dog owner I loaded Orlando in the car. The window of opportunity for some good exercise can be quite small this time of year. When we arrived at Crissy Field it was obvious that this routine isn't just the norm at my house but all across San Francisco. As the sun peaked out it revealed a beach full of dogs, all ages all sizes.

Always a great place for an off-leash romp, Crissy Field was more popular this afternoon than I have ever witnesses. It was magical. If you are a dog lover and wish to see the best of canine parades Crissy Field, East Beach, between rain showers is the place for you. I am not sure that there was anyone there that did not own a frisky puppy. After days of internment paws were ready to be muddy. For muddy paws make a happy dog.

Hope for Haiti

After checking my television listings this evening hoping for something to distract myself with on a Friday night in with the dog I am left wondering why I don't remember the kind of response for New Orleans and the Katrina victims that I am seeing today for Haiti. It appears that in the aftermath of the disaster, this island has been able to muster up the phenomenal strength to get networks past their differences and unite on a fund-raising front. I don't have cable. Being bad at decisions and in the midst of the recession it seems a safer choice to "get by" with network television. So here I will sit in front of eight channels all in their telethon glory while I wonder if the people in New Orleans are back in their houses yet. I wonder if they have running water or electricity 24 hours a day. I wonder what happened to all those who had to walk away. Are they still living on someone's living room floor? Did they have to move to a shelter. I do have Hope for Haiti. And I am encouraged that this dynamic response to the earthquake there is because of all we learned during our own tragic events. But I marvel at how eager we are to help those in need that do not live domestically. I wonder why it takes a different language and an exotic background to reach in out pockets and reach out.

New Orleans Relief Organizations
www.commongroundrelief.org
Common Ground Relief is a state and federally registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization providing short term relief for victims of hurricane disasters in the gulf coast region, and long term support in rebuilding the communities affected in the New Orleans area

www.nomrf.org
The New Orleans Musicians Relief Fund, a 501(c)3 grass roots charity founded by displaced New Orleans musicians over four years ago, provides donated instruments (left) and most recently, free concerts and band uniforms.

www.fromthelaketotheriver.org
The Coalition seeks to bring together resources from all parts of the legal community (law school faculty, students, and practicing lawyers), as well as non-lawyers, to facilitate the fair distribution of federal, state, and private disaster relief to New Orleanians (wherever they may be) in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Hope for Haiti
www.hopeforhaiti.com